If you have been following By Sophia Lee for a long time now you will see how I randomly will throw in little tidbits of my life. I wish I was more comfortable sharing everything that is going on in my life with all of you, but for some reason I still feel uncomfortable about it! It is so hard to put yourself out there like I do with this blog and I don't know if its still because I am worried what people will think about me or make fun of me for the blog, but its something I seriously have to get over. I think especially in the last year, I have been going through a variety of things that a lot of people could relate too so from now on I am going to just put behind any worries I have about putting everything out there and just being completely open.
I have about two freak outs (like screaming, crying get away from me or I will go ape-shit crazy on you) a year. Monday was one of those haha. My family is religious, but compared to some families we are not religious at all if that makes sense. When we lived in Pennsylvania we went to church every single weekend, I attended bible school, etc. Then when we moved to Wisconsin we didn't really find a church we felt a connection too so we kind of just stopped going. In the last year we have started going much more, but our family life hasn't really centered around faith. When I was having this freakout my sister Shelby sent me this prayer. Out of everyone in my family, Shelby would be the absolute last person to send something like this. It meant more than she could ever know and I am getting it framed to put by my bed haha If you know Shelby and how dramatic she is (like imagine the most dramatic person you've ever met) you will laugh at her response when I asked where she got it from, "God sent it to me." Literally all I could think of is the eyeroll emoji hahah
Theres a few things I will go over in this post centered around my family, college/career, and this blog. My parents have been going through a divorce since November of 2015. To let you in on how much we were expecting this divorce, let me just tell you that we thought when they called a family "meeting" that they were surprising us with a family vacation....yeah, not so much:/. We all still live in the same house and as time goes on, it has been extremely difficult on everyone to be here at times. As I am sure you can imagine, we all have our own opinions on everything going on and feel a lot of tension towards everyone. Well nothing is official yet, the plan is for my youngest sister and my mom to move to New York which will be a huge adjustment having them so far from Wisconsin. The divorce has been constantly set-back and I am SO ready for it to be done and have my life back to its new normal.
Another thing I went through last year (along with soo many other kids) is that I graduated high school! This opened up my life to so many amazing/scary decisions!! I have always known what I wanted to do when I am older (interior design) unlike a lot of my peers. But I also did not want to go to college at all. I just couldn't understand how so many of my peers wanted to leave more than anything and I was trying to hold on to everything! I actually committed to University of Kansas (which I do think I would have loved... I don't know why but I love that school) and then chickened out on how far that would be from my house. I ended up deciding to go to one of the state colleges in Wisconsin. I am so grateful that I got to go there because it really taught me a lot about myself and well I didn't make a lot of friends (completely my fault, I went into it basically positioning myself to not make friends) the friends I did have strengthened so much. Like my roommate, we were always friends in high school but she is one of my best friends now. i love her!!! Ultimately though, I decided that that school wasn't for me. I had a few options- stick it out until the end of the year, transfer at semester, etc. If you couldn't get from one of the things I said in the first paragraph, I worry ALL the time about what people think of me. I know I shouldn't but I have just always been like that. I am always so worried about if people are going to consider me lame or that I don't have enough friends or that I am failing at something. I barely went out at my college. I love to have fun and be with friends. but I am just not about the college party scene. I know that sounds so lame but I can't be the only one who is like that. and I soo wish I was because I beat myself up about it all the time like seriously why don't I want to go out all the time like every other person my age!! I always joke that when I am in my late twenties that will be my ultimate prime because I am all about like having friends over for a dinner party with amazing cocktails and decorations but I have yet to find someone like that who is my age hahaha. When I was weighing my options I wasn't too worried about missing the college "experience." I lived in the dorms for a semester and while I had so much fun in room 233 I never need to live there again:). I have a lot of friends that go to school pretty close so when I do want to go out and have that college experience, I easily can. This is another huge thing that I am dealing with- I am paying for my own college. I am not going to get into it for obvious reasons, but I didn't know I was paying for my college until about two weeks before I went to college (that was where my other freak out last year went haha). I first hand am seeing what I need to pay for and how much debt I will be in because I literally barely had any money saved since I didn't really know I had too.
While still at my college, I was trying to come up with options. I had been considering community college for awhile now because financially it is soo smart. I was so worried about what my family, friends, and people back home would think when they heard I was "dropping out" to go to community college. Around this time that idea was going around my head, I also randomly stumbled upon that Nate Berkus was having an opening for an internship. If you are in the interior design world I am sure you know who Nate is, but he is basically one the most well known interior designers in the country. I applied thinking I had absolutely no way of getting it considering I was only a freshman with no interior design training. Long story short, I ended up getting a call about how they wanted to interview me for the "position" so I went and interviewed. Two weeks later I found out I got the internship!! Seriously one of the happiest days of my life. I don't know if they just liked me or saw my blog and what I can do but I finally knew that I was going to be okay. I was so worried that if I left college and went the more non-traditional route I would fail and when I found out I got this I knew that if I keep working hard my life was going to end up being okay. With getting the internship, I finally felt less embarrassed about saying I was going to community college because it sounds pretty normal and smart to continue school when you're doing an internship right?! I actually found a local program too through Concordia University where they had if you get your associates degree in interior design from the community college around my house, you could finish the rest of your classes there so it showed that you received a bachelors. Overtime someone would ask me what I was doing I would give them the long story about how I am doing the internship and community college because I am paying for college by myself but how Concordia has a program I can get my bachelors through. like why did I feel so embarrassed that I had to explain that to everyone?? looking back I feel so stupid like who cares about what people think!!!
In the last month I have moved back home, had winter break, said a sad goodbye to Ben (since now we are eight hours apart we're not really sure when we will be able to see each other) and started the "real world." Since I am paying for my own college and being absolutely terrified of debt, I am trying to work as much as I can without killing myself of being too tired haha. My weekly schedule is Monday, Thursday, Friday I nanny all day. Monday night (or bright and early Tuesday morning) I leave for Chicago for my internship with Nate Berkus Associates on Tuesday and Wednesday. My plan, which was actually happening until like two days ago, was to then take night school so I can still get schooling done. so yes, I am soo busy. I have been so lucky though because I love my internship and the family I nanny for is amazing (like seriously I want to be them they are so cool haha). I had another setback I found out last week though. Basically, Concordia's (the school I was going to get my bachelors through) head of the Interior Design department is retiring so they are changing the program and no longer doing the blended program with my community college (I know... can you believe it!!!). It all has worked out just as it is suppose too though because now (if i get in which lets hope I do) I am doing a blended program with Concordia and Milwaukee Institute of Art and Design (MIAD). I will end up graduating from MIAD with a major in Interior Architecture and a minor from Concordia in business. MIAD is the tenth best interior design school in the nation so the fact that I can get my degree from there is a-m-a-z-i-n-g. I didn't originally do this plan because both of these schools are really expensive (MIAD is 55,000 a year) and private which yanks the price up even more. But Concordia is cheaper though and they cover the price difference from MIAD so while I will be in an insane amount of debt when I graduate (crying) I really believe it will be worth it.
Not only is this blog great for my future and career (hello I have a portfolio for days), it seriously has taught me so many things. I have learned how to talk to companies, write professional emails, code, design websites, etc but it has also given me the best environment where I get to talk and interact with people around the world. I feel like well I do try to post really good content I am still holding back from doing the best I can do on here. Like I just want to be straight up honest about everything and give you tips and info about everything that is making my life better and could make other people s life better too. and I want to be brave and start using insta stories more haha I know that sounds stupid but I love to watch instagram stories and I feel so much more connected to the people that do them. So I am going to stop being embarrassed about that and starting doing that.
I don't really know why I even wrote this post/if it makes any sense. I don't know if I thought maybe someone could possible relate to this or that honestly this is just really good for me to be able to look back at in a few years. I am so beyond blessed to live the life I do and this prayer could not have been put any better. I know this is late in the "2017 goals" area but I really hope this year I learn to appreciate what I do have and stop caring so freaking much about what people think about me!!!! cheers to that;)